how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
