Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
