I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize