If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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