Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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