he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize