apparently the secret to your success is patron
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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