I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
