i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
