I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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