At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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