If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
