Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
