My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
