Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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