my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
