When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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