The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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