Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
