____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize