I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
