We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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