Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
