this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
