I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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