Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
