I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
