Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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