im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
