Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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