i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
