Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
