google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Vodka?
Forever.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
