dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
