put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
