last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
