My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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