last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
