I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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