Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
