I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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