I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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