Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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