Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
