I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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