i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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