She announced her abortion via fbk
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
