my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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