There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
