Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just want to make out with him forever
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
