Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
