you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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