This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
