I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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