Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
