just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
