Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think I sprained my soul last night
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
