watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
honey bunches of taint.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
3pm strippers are depressing
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Randomize
