What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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