I need help removing her.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
