He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize