we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
