now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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