what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
