She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
