If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
