just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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