no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
