Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
