if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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