So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
