i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
