dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
