when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize