do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
we should paint friendship bongs
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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