if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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