i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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