Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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