Just mADE A PArabola og urine
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
