I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
