idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm at about main and main street
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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