Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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