@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
