I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
