upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
