Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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