If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
