Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
