I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
